小説書くのが大好きです。コロナの為に一泊の旅もままならない状態の時にトラベルビデオを見るのが楽しみになりました。見てるとまるでそこにいてそこの空気が感じるかのように思え、自分がそこにいるような気持になりました。ふとその憧れの町で生活してる人の小説を書きたいと思いつき、書き始め、登場人物は今でも頭の中に生き続けています。想像の物語の映画を自分でイメージして、テーマ曲も自然と生まれました。
あなたと暮した街を歩きながら テーマ曲 あなたの思い出（100 over Non-stop listening セクションでお聞きになれます）
Reneeは歩きながら、涙が出てきそうになった。どの場所にも数えきれない思い出があるからだ。Rioとは良く行く本屋で出会った。何度か遭遇し、話始めたことがきっかけで付き合い始めた。彼とは最初からすんなりと打ち解けて、当たり前のように関係は始まった。恋人と言うよりも異性の友達と言った感じが当てはまる関係だった。Rioの飾らない性格が爽やかで、おどけたりジョークを言ったり、彼は明るいが穏やかだった。Reneeはそれと比べると、まじめで、物事白黒をつけたくなる部分があった。Rioの森羅万象的なものの考え方とは違い、Reneeは整然と物が運ばないと気が済まない部分があった。今まで何度もあの時間が戻って同じ時間を過ごしたいと思ってきた。本当に楽しかった。もっとお互いの違いを尊重しあえば違う方向へ行くことはなかったのではないかと、何度も考えたことがあった。ただどちらのせいでもなかった。お互いの価値観の違いが、時間が経つほど、お互いを傷つけるようになり、このまま続けるべきではないと決断したのだ。Reneeのきちんとした性格が徐々にRio の自然な生き方を責めるようなになり、強い言葉がReneeから出始めた。最終的に、お互いのために別の人生を歩んだ方がと二人で決断したのだ。出会った頃のときめきも、お互いに生活を築いていくうちに違いが出てくるのは当然で、それがお互いの努力で解決できない場合、関係は崩れ始める。
Reneeは、町のあちこちをゆっくりと歩いた。町はあの時とは様々な意味で変わっていた。前にあった店が今でも残っているが、新しい店がたくさんできている。特にレストランは地中海のレストランがとても多くなった。ある路地では、全く違うところへ来ているような錯覚に落ちた。いつも二人で言ったカフェの前に来た。二人で座っているあの頃の思い出がよみがえってくる。店内は全く変わっていない。Reneeは入る気にはなれなかった。少し中を覗いて、心でRioがいるのではないかと探している自分に気が付いた。その店の真向かいには新しいカフェがオープンしていた。あの時とは様子がかなり違う。Reneeはまた歩き出した。
二人が住んでいたアパートへ行くのは何故か来てから躊躇っていたが、行こうとその方向へ向かった。所々が本当に変わっている。時が過ぎたのだと心から感じた。二人が住んでいたアパートの前に立って、当時の２階の部屋を見上げた。あの時とは全く違う、とても良く手入れされた美しい花がバスケットから、所狭しと溢れ出ている。家主はあの部屋で生活することを心からエンジョイしてるのだと飾った花から手に取るように分かる。アパートを去り、さらに町のあらゆる所を歩いた。心の中で歩くことで思い出がさらに過去になるようにと思いながら。
夕方になり、空がだんだん暗くなってきた。Reneeは古い廃墟となっているアムーズメントパークへの入り口に来ていた。ここに入る人はほとんどいない。町の外れにある。でもReneeはここが好きだった。ずうっと昔のRenee が知らない時代のアムーズメントパークを思い出させるようなところだからだ。Reneeは中へ入っていった。アムーズメントパークはもう今は機能していなかったが、パークとして誰でも自由に入れるようになっている。使われていないパークだけれど、何とも言えない独特な雰囲気を醸し出している。センターへと入った。古めいたメリーゴーランドマシーンがそのまま残っている。誰もいない場所でも、昔に賑わった時の子供の声や音楽が聞こえてきそうな気がするようなところだ。
隅に埃を被ったフォーチュンテラーのゲームボックスが残されている。ボックスの中には手にグラスのボールを持ったターバンを巻いた男性の人形が目を瞑って置かれている。動いていた時にはコインを入れると、その日の運命を占ってくれたと映画で見たことがある。そんなミステリアスなものがこのお洒落な町にまだあるのも奇妙な気がする。当時はRioにせがんで、全く機能していないパークで何度かコインを入れて占う振りをしてと頼んだものだ。Reneeは自分で占いの結果が、近いうちに素敵な人に出会うと出たわとRioに言い、Rioが軽く肘打ちをして、ヒューと口笛を吹いて笑ったこともあった。コインを入れる度に独特な音楽が流れると、Reneeは映画で覚えてる音楽を歌いながら、Rioの手を取り踊りだしたものだ。行くたびにReneeはこの演技を繰り返した。Rio自身、当時はReneeの架空遊園地の演技を楽しみ始めるようになった。辺りが徐々に暗くなってきた。周りには誰もいない。Reneeはあの頃のことを思い出し、当時歌った音楽を口ずさみながら当時のように一人で踊りだした。クルクルと回りながら、まるでRio がそこにいるように、心から踊った。踊れば踊るほど、あの時の音楽が大きな音で頭の中に流れ出す。踊りながらなぜか気持ちが良かった。空がさらに暗くなり、夕焼けが鮮やかに空を染め、Reneeの姿をロマンチックに染めている。ボックスも夕焼けの色に染まったReneeは気の済むまで踊った。踊りながら心に中に残っている思い残しを削除したかった。過去の出来事は自分が辿って来た人生の結果である事を自分で納得できるまでReneeはすべきことをしたかった。ダンスは日が暮れるまで続いた。夕闇に浮かび上がるReneeとボックスがまるでスポットライトを当てているかのように、Reneeを照らした。踊るReneeをボックスの中のターバンの男性が目を開けて、見守っているような錯覚に陥る。Reneeがわざわざここまで来て、自分の将来のために、答えを探しにそして過去の思い残しを消し去る為に来てることが分かってるかのようにフォーチュンテラーボックスと踊るReneeのシルエットがピッタリとマッチしていた。
Reneeはホテルに戻った。軽い夕食を済ませ、ホテルのバーでワインを飲んだ。窓の外を見ながら、色々考えた。こうやって今ここにいること。あのまま二人で過ごしていたら、もしもお互いを尊重して、生活していたら、きっとうまく行っていたのかもしれないと、その反面、こうなる事は必然だったのだと。Reneeは若かったのだ。今ならRioの風に任せて生きる自然な部分がどんなに素晴らしかったかが理解できる。あの頃のReneeの野望はRioの風に任せての性格が物足りなかった。だからRioを傷つけるような言葉を何度も口にしてしまった。最終的には、優しいRioは、Reneeの将来を考えて、二人の関係を終えることを言い出したが、実質的には、RioはReneeにこのまま一緒に居ることはお互いにプラスにはならないと考えたのだろう。どんなに好きでもお互いを傷つけあうような間柄なら、何のために一緒に人生を歩む必要があるのだろう。Reneeもその事はよくわかっていた。ただ好きである事が時々優先して、お互い別れを言い出す事が怖かったと言うのが本音だ。でも優しいRioから別々になることを言ってくるとは、Reneeは思いもしなかった。ショックが大きく、さらに怒鳴ってRioを傷つける言葉を取り返しがつかないくらい感情的に言ってしまった。ReneeはRioに会って誤りたかった。またやり直そうと言うのではなく、ただ言ってしまった数々の酷い言葉にお詫びを心から言いたかったのだ。夜の街の灯りを見つめながら、それでも時が経ったのだと実感していた。ワイングラスを見つめながら、涙が出てきた。後悔と、Rioの幸せを心から祈る気持ちの両方で。
朝起き、Reneeは大好きなファーマズマケットへ足を運んだ。前以上に人で溢れ、この町に以前より多くの人が住んでいるのだと分かった。マーケットではフレッシュなパンや、フルーツ野菜も売っている。行きかう人を見ながら、Renee自身も昨夜の気持ちとは違い、その中の一人として、今の時間をエンジョイしていることが自分で分かった。過去は過去、今の時間はあの時とは違い、変化している。あの時とは全く違う露店が一杯ある。当時のものもあるが、様相は変わっている。フルーツショップでフルーツを買おうと店に行った。笑顔の爽やかな男性が迎えてくれた。初めてだよねとRenee聞いた。昔ここに住んでいたのよ。久しぶりに来たのと返事をし、少し会話を交わした。帰り際にまたねと彼が言った。Reneeにはまた絶対に来てねと言ってるように思えた。そう考えたかったのかもしれないし、彼がそう思ったのかもしれない。Reneeはフルーツショップの後、大きな気持ちの変化に自分で驚いた。ときめきを感じたと自分で思った。自分の気持ちが違うステージを歩みだしたことを感じた。フラワーショップには前と同じように鮮やかな花が並んでいる。Reneeは花からさらに元気をもらえるような気持になり、青空を見上げた。雲の少ない澄み切った青空がReneeの気持ちをさらに応援してるように見えた。
フラワーショップを出て、町をまた歩いた。ホテルを出るまでの時間、さらに町を見て回りたかった。今日は昔の思い出を思い出しながらと言う気持ちが、どんなに変わったかの好奇心へと変わっていた。いくつ前と違う場所ができたのか、数えながら、町を歩いた。
二人が出会った本屋にも入った。Reneeを覚えていてくれた二人が会った当時の女性の店員と、会話をした。Rioとのことも少し話した。彼女は時と共に、物事変わると言った。彼女もあれから離婚し、今は独身を楽しんでいると、笑いながらReneeに言った。そんなたわいのない会話がルミにはありがたった。自分だけではない。皆色々あるんだと思わさせられる。本を１冊買い、その後、前に行った幾つかのお店を訪れ、Reneeはもう十分だと思った。店員はRioがまだ来るとは言っていなかった。多分もうRioがこの町にはいないだろうとなぜか、強く確認した。事実はわからないが、確実にそうだと思った。お互い決めた結果はそうなるべきしてなったと前以上にこの町を訪れて感じた。Rioが今違う土地で、新しい人生を築き、彼なりの人生を歩んでいる事は自分と一緒にいるよりも、Rioの人生の幸せには必要だったのだと心の底から思った。心の中で遠いどこかで新しい人生を歩んでいるRioにごめんね。幸せな人生を送ってね。私も自分なりの幸せな人生を送るからと遠くを見つめて言った。気持ちが穏やかに落ち着いていくのを感じた。
旅から帰り、また日常が戻った。当たり前の毎日に前よりずっと腰を据えた安定感を感じた。過去を遠い過ぎ去ったものと自分の本のページの最初の章の出来事として自分は今もうずっと後の章を生きている。花が空に向かって成長するように、前だけを向いて歩いていくことがどんなに自分の人生にとって重要なのかを気づかされた感じに思った。今の章が本の結末をハッピーエンドとするもしないも自分次第。これから書く章には目いっぱいの楽しい事でページを埋めていきたいとReneeは心から思った。今日は自分の街を歩いてみよう。フラワーショップで鮮やかな色のガーデラか向日葵のようなそして、可憐な小さな花びらを周りにアレンジするために花を買おうと考えただけだうきうきした。またすぐあの町のファーマズマーケットに行ってみたいと思った。心で彼の笑顔が見られると思ったからだが、自分の気持ちが明日変わるか、それは今はわからない。その日その日の自分の気持ちの変化のままに生活していこうと旅から帰ってきて強く感じた。それが自分の心が欲していることなのだから。Reneeは一番お気に入りのジャケットと買い物バッグを手にし、足取り軽やかにアパートを出た。町の空気が今までないくらいに気持ちよく感じた。
I love writing novels regardless of good. I just love making stories. During pandemic outbreak, I can't travel at all. I enjoyed watching travel videos. I felt the air in the city in the video. I imagined putting myself in the town. Walking around and feel the air. I started writing novels about the places I wanted to go . I created characters in the story. They are living in my head now. I have my own imaginary movies in me. And also I created music for my novel.
Walking in your town
Theme song / 32 Memory of you ( You can listen at over 100 Non-stop listening section)
As Renee walked, her tears were about to come out. Because she has countless memories everywhere in this town. She met Rio at a bookstore she often goes to. She met several times and started going out together after a while started talking each other. She had a smooth conversation with him from the beginning, and the relationship began as a matter of course. She was more like a friend of the opposite sex than a lover. Rio's unadorned personality was refreshing, funny and joking, and he was cheerful but calm. Renee was more serious than that, and there was a part that made her want to add black and white things. Unlike Rio's universe of things, Renee had a part that made her feel uncomfortable unless things were carried in an orderly manner. She has ever wanted her to go back the past. But she wants to spend the same time. She really enjoyed it. She had many thoughts that she wouldn't have gone in a different direction if both respected each other more. It was not neither's fault. If the differences in each other's values became more damaging to each other over time and it should not continue. Renee's decent personality gradually began to blame Rio's natural way of life, and her strong words began to emerge from Renee. In the end, Rio decided that they should have a different life for each other. It goes without saying that the moment of the time we meet will change as we build our lives, and if that cannot be resolved through mutual efforts, the relationship will begin to collapse.
Renee slowly walked around the town. The town has changed in many ways from that time. The old store still remains, but there are many new ones. Especially, the number of restaurants in the Mediterranean has increased. In one alley, She fell into the illusion that she was in a completely different place. She came in front of the café they spent. The memories of those days when they were sitting together come back to life. The inside of the store hasn't changed at all. Renee didn't feel like entering. She looked a little inside and she was looking for Rio in her heart. She noticed herself. A new café was open right across from the store. The situation is quite different from that time.
Renee started walking again. She hesitated to see the place they used to live together for some reason. But she headed in that direction. Things have really changed. She truly felt that time had passed. She stood in front of the apartment where they lived, and looked up at the rooms they lived at the time. Beautiful, well-maintained flowers that are completely different from those days are overflowing from the basket. It can tell from the flowers that he or she really enjoys living in that room. She left the apartment and walked all over the town. It seems that walking in her heart makes her memories even more past.
In the evening, the sky was getting darker and darker. Renee was at the entrance to the old ruined Amusement Park. Few people enter here. Located on the outskirts of town. But Renee liked it here. She's kind of reminiscent of an old-fashioned amusement park. Renee went in. The Amusement Park is no longer functioning, but anyone can freely enter it as a park. Although it is an unused park, it creates a unique atmosphere that cannot be said. She entered the center. The old merry-go-round machine remains as it is. Even in an empty place, it feels like you can hear the voices of children and music when it was crowded in the past. A dusty Fortune Teller game box is left in the corner. Inside the box there is a male doll wrapped in a turban with a glass ball in his hand, closing his eyes. She has seen in a movie when you put a coin, then he move , drop the paper and tell you the fate of the day. It seems strange that such mysterious things still exist in this fashionable town. At that time, Renee asked Rio to put coins in and pretend to fortune-telling in a park that wasn't working at all. Renee tells Rio she's got the result of her fortune-telling. She'll meet a nice guy soon, Rio slaps her elbows, whistles and laughs. Every time she put in a coin, a unique piece of music was played in her head, and Renee took Rio's hand and danced while singing the music she remembered in the movie. Renee repeated this performance every time she went. Rio himself began to enjoy acting at Renee's fictional amusement park at the time.
The area is getting darker and darker. There is no one around. Renee remembered that time, she sang the music she sang at the time, and she started dancing alone like she did at the time. As she swirled around, she danced from the bottom of her heart, as if Rio were there. The more Renee dances, the louder the music of that time flows into her head. She felt good for some reason while dancing. The sky gets darker, the sunset brilliantly dyes the sky, and her Renee figure is romantically dyed. The box was also dyed in the color of the sunset. Renee danced until she was satisfied. She wanted to remove her remnants that remained in her mind while dancing. She wanted to do what she had to do until she was convinced that her past events were the result of her life that she had followed. The dance continued until sunset. Renee and the box that emerged in the dusk illuminated Renee as if they were in the spotlight. A turban man in the box looks like opening his eyes to Renee's dancing, creating the illusion that he is overmatching her . With the Fortune Teller Box as if you knew that Renee had come all the way here to find her answer and erase her past recollections for her own future. The silhouette of the dancing Renee was a perfect match.
Renee has returned to the hotel. She had a light dinner and she drank wine at the hotel bar. She looked out the window and she thought a lot. That's how she's here now. If we were spending time together as they were, if we respected each other and lived, we might have been successful, but on the other hand, this was inevitable. Renee was young. Now I can understand how wonderful the natural part of living in the style of Rio was. Renee's ambitions at that time were left to Rio's style, and her personality was unsatisfactory. Her words hurt Rio So many times. Eventually, gentle Rio thought about her future and said they would end the relationship, In essence, it would be a plus for each other. She probably thought it wouldn't happen. No matter how much you like it, if it's a relationship that hurt each other, what do you need to live together for? Renee knew that too. She really says she was afraid to say goodbye to each other, sometimes prioritizing what she liked. But she didn't expect gentle Rio to say the separation. She was shocked and she even irreparably emotionally said the words she yelled at and hurt Rio
more than ever. Renee wanted to meet Rio and to say she made a mistake. She didn't want to start over again, she just wanted to sincerely apologize for the terrible words she had said. As she stared at the lights of the city at night, she realized that time had passed. She burst into tears as she stared at the wine glass. With both regret and a heartfelt prayer for Rio's happiness.
She got up in the morning and went to Renee's favorite Farmers Market. She felt the market was more crowded than ever before, and she found that there were more people living in this town than before. The market also sells fresh bread and fruit vegetables. As she watched the people passing by, she found herself that her feelings were not the same than last night. She felt she was a part of crowd and she was enjoying this time. The past is the past, and the present time is different from that time, and it is changing. There are a lot of shops that are completely different from those days. Some of them were from those days, but the situation has changed.
She went to the fruit shop to buy some fruit. A refreshing man with a smile welcomed Renee. She said to him ''it was my first time. I used to live here.'' She hadn't come in a long time and had a little conversation. He said to her. '' Come again! '' Renee thought he wanted her to come again. She may have wanted to think so, or he might have thought so. Renee was surprised at her big change in feelings after the fruit shop. She thought she felt a little crush. She felt that she had begun a stage where she felt different. The flower shop is lined with bright flowers as before. Renee felt more energized by the flowers, and she looked up at the blue sky. The clear blue sky with few clouds seemed to further support Renee's feelings.
She left the flower shop and she walked through the town again. By the time she left the hotel, she also wanted her to look around the town. The feeling that she remembers her old memories today turned into her curiosity about how the town changed. She walked through the town, counting how many different places were created. She also went to the book store she used to go to. She had a conversation with a female clerk at the bookstore where the two had met. She also talked a bit about Rio. The clerk said things would change over time. She divorced too, and she now enjoys her bachelorhood, she laughed and told Renee. Renee was grateful for such a conversation. She is not the only one. It makes her think that there are various things. She bought a book and then visited some of the shops she went to before and thought it was enough. The clerk didn't say Rio was coming still. Renee strongly confirmed that Rio probably wasn't in this town anymore. She doesn't know the facts, but she thought so. She visited this town more than before and she felt that the result of each other's decision should have been. She said from the bottom of her heart that it was more necessary for Rio to be happy in Rio's life than to be with her to build a new life and live his own life in a different land. She thought. I'm sorry Rio. He is living a new life somewhere far in his heart. He has a happy life. She also stared into the distance and said that she would live her own happy life. Renee felt her feelings calm down.
After returning from the trip, her daily life has returned. Renee felt a sense of stability in her daily life more than before. As the events of the first chapter of the pages of her book and those that have gone far past, She is now living a long time later chapter. It made her realize how important it is to her life to walk forward, just as the flowers grow toward the sky. It's up to Renee whether or not this chapter ends the book with a happy ending. Renee really wants to fill the page with lots of fun in the chapters she was about to write. Let's walk around our city today. She was just excited to buy flowers at the shop to arrange brightly colored gardeners or sunflowers and pretty little petals around. She wants to go to the flower market in that town again soon. She thought she could see his smile in her heart, but now I don't know if her feelings will change tomorrow. She came back from the trip and she felt strongly that she would live that day in her feelings every single day. That's what her heart wants. Renee picked up her favorite jacket and a shopping bag and left the apartment lightly. She felt air in her town was much more comfortable than ever.
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